EWWW STINKY MAN!!! >:(((
After years of research I have determined breathing is gay.
Everytime you breathe, oxygen atoms touch your mouth. Soon they leave as carbon dioxide. After photosynthesis, that same oxygen atom will reach someone else's mouth. Who has a 50% chance of being the same sex as you. So every second breath in theory is a gay kiss. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.
Gamer dudes, dudettes. When it comes to keep your gamer gear at peak performance, oh the games people play. REALLY. A lot of you game assassins seem to think that skill alone is gonna get you to the victory lane, as you go leaping from level to level, room to room, and world to world! With little or no effort. Ooooooh planet rangers, you wanna know one little dirty secret? Yeah-huh do ya? You're not gonna get there if your gear's all crapped up with gamer gunk. Dust. Chip dip. Greasy sticker slimy game residue! It's a fact! Dirty gear doesn't perform as well as clean gear, and may even crash, and burn! OH NOO! UGHHH! You can't do it dirty, you gotta do it clean, and here's how. This stuff, right here, this stuff!? This is the good stuff, the right stuff, the Dust Off® stuff. The only stuff you should use to clean your gear. First, because it works, duh. Second because when used properly it’s completely safe. And third, cause it’s the best stuff out there. According to experts, like me! Let’s get cleaning. Now, the keyboard. Grab it sideways kinda like you’re gonna play an accordion. Grab your Dust Off Gamer Gear® duster from your gamer kit, and holding the can upright spraying short bursts as you work your way around all those nooks and crannies. Oh man! Just look at all that crap flying outta there. There must’ve been an entire bowl of cereal down there, and uh enough skin fragments to clone yourself. When you’re done spraying, take a swab for the tiny places, and then take this Dust Off Gaming Gear® wipe and wipe off the top, the front, the back and the sides so you kill all those nasty germs. KILL THEM ALL! PSHEW PSHEW PSHEW PSHEW PBBBBB. FINISH HIM. Keyboard is done baby! Now the mouse. Same drill as the keyboard. Hold the Dust Off® LCD spray, give it a spray, then a good wipe-down with the Dust Off Game Gear® swab and wipe. And you’re all set. You may be saying you can skip this step because you have one of those cool laser meeces. Lasers need to be cleaned too, so you’re not off the hook on that one. Next, we move onto the screen. For this step, we have a specially formulated Dust Off® screen spray and Dust Off® shammy. And let me tell you folks, it is not a paper towel and window cleaner. It is not that. It’s totally safe for the screen and for you! Spray it one like this, wipe it off like this! And you’re all set. Oh and uh you can spray on the acrylic parts too so they’re nice and shiny. Mom would be so proud. Now, for the scary part! THE COMPUTER! It’s definitely worth another reminder from Mr. Safety. “Now make sure, the entire computer is off. Not hibernatin’ or sleepin’. But completely O. F. F. Off.” Thanks Mr. Safety. CPUs have just a couple of screws. You can unscrew when you unscrew the housing, your manual, assuming you didn’t throw it away like I did, uh will show you how to do it. Carefully remove the housing and, IT’S ALIVE! Welcome to the inner sectom. This isn’t so scary. We’re not even gonna touch anything. Grab your Dust Off Gaming® duster, and blowing from the inside out, very important, inside out, spray the fan. Then, spray the motherboard, and other components. Do not use a leaf blower! VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do not use a vacuum! VOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Vacuums can cause static discharge and could severely damage your computer. When we are done, replace the housing and we’re just about finished. The last part of the cleaning does require that the computer be turned on, so turn that baby on man! soft rock “Listen to that baby hum”. Now, we’re gonna clean the optics of your CD, DVD, and Blue-ray player. Using this special formulated Dust Off® cleaning disk, open the tray, slide it in ;). And follow the audio instructions. If you hear closely, you can hear giggling coming from the player, it’s so happy to be cleaned. That’s it ladies and terminators. So remember, before you get your game on, get your clean on Gamer Gear Dust Off®. Keep it clean, keep it new, keep it Dust Off®, for gaming.